


It All Comes Back to You

by sunshineflying



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-24 02:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4901476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineflying/pseuds/sunshineflying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall and Louis are best friends - they've known each other all their lives and been there for each other through thick and thin. But when Niall comes out to Louis, he doesn't exactly get the response he's hoping for. Things get even more disastrous when he tells Louis that he's got feelings for him. They drift apart and go off to university, until a chance encounter years later changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It All Comes Back to You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [laserbeamer (disequilibrium)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/disequilibrium/gifts).



> To my prompter -- I hope you enjoy this! I had so much fun writing this, and I'm so glad I had an excuse to write more Nouis! I hope I did justice to this big idea you had -- I can't wait to hear what you think!
> 
> I also want to thank Jen for her advice on all things about UK universities, and my lovely beta Laura for looking this over for me so quickly. Any mistakes remaining are my own.
> 
> Enjoy! xx

_“You can’t tell people, Niall.”_

His whole life, Niall’s been friends with Louis. For as long as he can remember, since moving to Doncaster with his dad after his parents got divorced, Niall Horan has known Louis Tomlinson. Louis took him under his wing when Niall was the awkward new kid, and taught him everything he needed to know. Everyone in town knows they’re the best of friends, Niall trailing after Louis all the time, looking up to him for advice.

Louis quite likes it too, as he’s only got sisters so having a guy to hang out with is fun. He can teach Niall how to skate (even though Niall’s never really caught on) or how to play piano (even though Niall’s better at guitar) and they share everything with each other. When Niall broke his arm when they were thirteen, Louis didn’t leave his side until Niall promised the pain was gone. When Louis was dealing with his mum’s divorce from Mark, the only man Louis had really ever known as a father, Niall didn’t go anywhere unless it was with Louis. They were there for each other through thick and thin, learning each other’s deepest secrets and helping out through every single obstacle that came their way.

They’re like brothers, only closer.

Except when he’s fifteen and Louis is seventeen and they’re facing the brand new world of dating and sex and everything that goes with it, Niall withdraws. Louis so naturally gravitates towards girls; he knows how to flirt with them, the exact right thing to say to make them melt, and has even kissed one already.

Niall’s never even felt the urge to do any of that, never mind had the courage to actually try.

So when they’re lying in Louis’s backyard on top of an old picnic table in the middle of the night, Niall tells him as much. He says he only ever thinks about kissing boys, and –

“I think I’m gay.”

Louis is quiet, too quiet, leaving Niall to worry and wonder and lay there in silence, watching the stars overhead. He doesn’t know what Louis is going to say, but trusts him not to say anything awful. That’s why it hurts so much when Louis finally says something.

“You can’t tell people, Niall.”

And it’s like a big fat wave of rejection hitting Niall like a ton of bricks. There’s no acceptance, but there’s no hatred, there’s just a warning that makes Niall ache from the top of his head to the very tips of his toes. He closes his eyes and tries to push away the sadness he feels, the hurt that of all the things Louis could have said first, it had to be that.

“I just mean,” Louis says, propping himself up on his elbow, facing Niall. Pointedly, Niall keeps his eyes fixated on the sky above. He’s too terrified of everything that comes next. “This is a pretty small town. Generally everyone’s awfully traditional. And the kids at school – if you’re having trouble with them for being _Irish_ , coming out to them could send them over the top.”

But again Niall doesn’t speak; he doesn’t know what to say. Louis has a point. It’s just that Niall was holding onto a false hope that his friend would be happy for him, would support him. That maybe he’d even be the same way, at least a little bit, because he was in musicals, wasn’t he? Niall sighed and tried to shake the stereotypes out of his head – it’s not like he fit them anyway.

“We should go to bed,” Niall says finally, rolling off the table, his feet sloshing in the thick spring mud as he does. “I’m tired.”

Louis frowns and says, “Niall, I didn’t mean that it was like, _bad_ or anything.”

And he’s right, but Niall also knows that Louis didn’t exactly express support of any kind. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he replies, and starts trudging towards the house. If he hadn’t already promised Louis he’d stay over to help with his sisters tomorrow morning, since Louis’s mum is out, Niall would probably go home.

In the morning, over tea and toast, Louis says, “You’re still like a brother to me, you know.”

Niall nods, and knows that it’s as close to support from Louis as he’s probably going to get.

And it’s true, at least in a sense, because things go back to normal after that. They hang out and Niall forgets that he embarrassed himself like that in front of Louis, that he opened up about something that so clearly should be kept a secret, at least for now. Niall finds it troubling, that he’s got to stay so secretive about it even around his best friend, but Louis knows what’s best. He always has. Niall would be a fool not to believe him now, too – or so he believes.

But the problem runs deeper than just keeping it quiet around Doncaster. It develops with each new day that he spends around Louis. Not just the security, but the feelings – the knowledge that he’s gay, and that he knows what he likes. Niall tries it on for size sometimes, admitting it out loud in the privacy of his own room when nobody’s home.

After a whole summer of drinking and partying and causing hell with Louis in the middle of the night, Niall’s not only sure that he’s gay, but that he’s fallen in love with his best friend.

It’s nothing he should announce and he knows it, but at the same time Niall thinks that maybe if he puts it out there, things could be different. Maybe Louis just hasn’t met the right guy, or maybe he’s not really considered it, or – the most terrifying possibility – he really is straight as an arrow and Niall’s stuck pining after someone who’s got no desire to be with him in return.

It’s a painful thought, and after taking to the ever-reliable internet, Niall decides what he’s got to do.

The night before Louis leaves for his first year at the University of Manchester, they’re outside on the table in Louis’s backyard, exactly how they were when Niall came out to him. The stars are overhead and the moon is bright in the sky, and the only thing different is that they’re a half year older.

Fall is creeping into the air, and there’s a chill around them. Niall’s heart feels like it’s threatening to burst out of his chest, to give itself over to Louis because it’s all Louis’s, anyway. He’s not even sixteen yet but he knows – he knows Louis is the love of his life, and it sounds crazy but it’s so, so true.

Without any buildup or decorum, Niall blurts out, “I’m in love with you, Louis.”

He feels like he can’t breathe and he’s got nothing but the sound of the cool wind whistling around them to remind Niall that he’s still caught in reality, waiting on bated breath for Louis to say something.

Louis is silent, dead silent, for the first time since Niall’s known him. It’s terrifying.

“Niall, I…” Louis swallows hard, and his voice is soft, full of trepidation. “I’m straight.”

Niall closes his eyes, cheeks deep red as humiliation settles deep into his bones, shakes him to his core and reminds him that he’s just ruined everything with every atom in his body. He’s thankful he’s lying down, because he feels sick with it all, and when Louis glances his way, Niall looks away.

He should have expected rejection and he knows it, but here it is: he’s surprised by it, hurt that Louis didn’t even try to ease him into it, and upset that of course the first time he summons the courage to say something, it’s all for naught.

“I’m sorry, Niall. You’re like a brother to me and I really care about you, but I just… don’t have feelings like that for you,” Louis continues, and Niall wants to scream at him, to beg him to stop talking because that’s enough, that’s too much, _he gets it_.

Niall stands up, his feet unsteady but his legs somehow still remembering how to move. It’s the fight or flight instinct in him, and he’s ready for flight, to leave behind this totally humiliating moment in his life and the painful sting of rejection. Louis shuffles to catch him, his hand warm on Niall’s wrist, stopping him, twisting him back to make eye contact that Niall couldn’t want less if he tried.

He stares at the ground, absolutely mortified, and closes his eyes as Louis says quite possibly the most painful thing Niall could ever hear, aside from the rejection he’s already been dealt. “I love you as a friend, Niall,” Louis tells him softly. “I always will. This doesn’t change that.”

But it does. Oh, it does. And Niall’s well aware of it. He’s rooted to the spot though, Louis’s words echoing in his head. Niall should be glad, be grateful he’s got any love from Louis at all. He shouldn’t care what kind it is, friendly or otherwise, because at least it’s there, but suddenly he doesn’t want it. He wants nothing but romantic love, but it’ll never be his.

The rest of his life, he’s going to have to watch Louis be happy with someone else, be romantic with someone else, and be reminded each day he sees it that he’s never going to be that lucky. That he’s tried, and he’s failed.

Louis pulls him into a bear hug, warm and all-enveloping, surrounding all of Niall’s senses with what could have been. Niall hugs him back out of instinct, out of a desire to touch him and be close to him one last time, and when he leans away he clears his throat. Awkwardly fumbling with his hair, scratching the back of his neck, Niall says, “Keep in touch while you’re away, yeah?”

“Of course,” Louis nods.

Niall chances a look up and sees Louis watching him worriedly. Louis looks so young, so innocent, so absolutely _stunning_ in the setting sunlight strewn across his backyard, and Niall’s heart aches. It’s like a twist in his chest and he has to look away.

“Bye, Niall,” Louis calls out as Niall turns wordlessly to leave.

Niall’s far too choked up to reply.

\--

Things go about as well as Niall expects, with texts starting out daily and tapering off within just a few weeks until he hardly ever hears from Louis anymore. The most he sees are photos on Facebook, of Louis out at parties and getting on with new people, with _straight_ people who don’t come onto him. Niall hadn’t even done that, but he’s sure his confession made Louis uncomfortable – and Niall’s so guilty he keeps his distance, just in case.

But he misses Louis, each and every day.

He continues to memorize him, to take in everything he can that the internet gives him between sparse text messages – the new tattoos, the new friends, the way he’s succeeding so well in his education course – Niall’s proud of him, wishes he could be there with him, celebrating and supporting and loving.

Niall’s fairly certain the sting of rejection and the pain in his heart when he sees Louis happy with other people, with _girls_ , is never going to go away, and he hates himself for ever jeopardizing things in the first place. What felt like a good decision, telling Louis how he felt, turned into a huge source of trouble for him, of self-loathing and frustration that Niall can’t seem to shake.

He watches Louis date girls and break up with them, and watches him post photos where he’s curled up with girls or kissing them or any number of things Louis gets up to in uni.

Niall knows he’s punishing himself, but he applies to the same school, the University of Manchester, and gets in. He knows he’s going to run into Louis, knows he could get hurt all over again, but figures it’ll be worth it because a greater pain than being rejected by Louis could probably never be felt. The second time won’t sting as much as the first, though he won’t give it a chance to, anyway.

Assuming he sees Louis there at all, that is.

And at first, he doesn’t. Niall moves onto campus, has a roommate, and hangs out with people he meets along the way. After only a couple of weeks, he meets someone who shakes his world, totally and completely, turning it upside down and topsy turvy but somehow making everything just feel _right_.

See, Harry Styles is gay. They’re the same age, Niall and Harry, and where Niall’s hesitant, Harry’s bold. Where Niall’s hidden, Harry’s completely out. He talks about being gay like he talks about the weather, with such nonchalance and matter-of-factness that Niall can’t ever imagine why he would have been ashamed to come out. Maybe Doncaster’s still different, like Louis said it would be, but it doesn’t feel that way.

When he’s around Harry, Niall feels normal, and he feels safe.

So they go out to clubs on weekends, have drinks with friends and Niall doesn’t have to feel ashamed when he walks right past the bar their mates go to and down to the end of the street where there’s another club, just as booming and loud and buzzing with people, except it’s for people like him. He can go there and flirt with guys and be open and he doesn’t have to worry.

Thanks to Harry, Niall’s out.

And sure, he hasn’t come out so much as just done it right alongside Harry, gone to gay bars and ogled guys on campus from behind their cups of tea whilst the rest of their mates just smile and point out cute girls walking past them. But the fact that it’s so normal and Niall can act in such a way without a single person batting an eyelash or telling him to keep quiet makes him feel freer than he has in a very, very long time.

Niall gets so caught up in this new world, this place where he can be himself without fear of rejection, that when he sees Louis for the first time in years, he doesn’t know what to do. He pauses in his tracks, Harry running into him, and he frowns. Louis’s seen him too, and their eye contact is fierce and hard. Niall feels like he’s shrinking under it, feels lost all of a sudden, like his weeks of embracing this side of him he’d suppressed for so long has all been for naught.

Then Louis’s walking across the green towards him and Niall wants to curse, wants to run, but he can’t. He hasn’t seen Louis since the big rejection, and he doesn’t know exactly what he’s supposed to say now. Should he act like nothing happened? It feels wrong, but he’s grasping at straws to try to come up with something different.

And then Louis is stepping, strong and sure, right in front of him to greet him. “Long time no see, Horan,” he says, a coy, nervous smile playing at his lips.

“Yeah, you too,” Niall replies awkwardly.

He’s fumbling now, fingers messing with the lowest button on his unfastened plaid shirt, and Harry’s looking between the two of them curiously. “Hi, I’m Harry,” he smiles, hoping to break the awkward silence by extending a hand out to Louis.

Louis shakes it, and his gaze travels between Niall and Harry for a moment before he says, “Louis. I’m from Doncaster, like Niall.”

“Oh, cool!” Harry smiles. “So you guys are like, friends then?”

“Yeah,” Louis replies, like it’d be silly to think anything else.

Except Niall didn’t really think they were, anymore. Louis didn’t get in touch whenever he came back to Doncaster – and he _had_ come back, is the thing, because his mum had babies – so it all feels rather like water under the bridge, and Niall would very much like to get on with the rest of his day without Louis there making him feel uneasy and unsure for the first time in a while.

“Where are you headed?” Louis asks. “D’you want to get tea or summat?”

Niall laughs nervously, his hand now arched up as he scratches the back of his neck. He still feels awkward, doesn’t know what to say. Louis’s reappearance in his life has totally sent Niall askew; he doesn’t know what he’s doing, all of a sudden. He feels disoriented and lost, reverted back to how he felt before meeting Harry and really branching out.

“We’re just off to LGBT soc,” Harry smiles. “D’you want to come?”

“Really?” Louis asks, raising an eyebrow. His gaze is lingering on Niall, though his question was aimed at Harry.

“Yeah,” Harry nods. “It’s a group on campus for all kinds of queer students to have socials, run campaigns, and just sort of chat about whatever we’d like. It’s a lot of fun!”

Louis’s expression changes, and to Niall it looks akin to hurt. Niall feels a flare of anger in him at that: Louis has no right to be hurt that he’d join something like that. If he doesn’t want to take his advice anymore, doesn’t want to hide or lie about who he is, then he doesn’t have to. Niall stands a little straighter just at the thought, even though he doesn’t assert himself as such.

“Nah, I’m fine, but thanks,” Louis says, and there’s something in his voice that sounds unfamiliar to Niall – it almost sounds like fear or worry.

“That’s alright,” Harry replies. “You should come by sometime though, when you’re not busy! We love having new people.”

And Niall’s so grateful for Harry, having him around to talk when he doesn’t quite feel like it, but he’d rather Louis doesn’t go because Niall likes being able to be himself, totally and completely, without having to worry that it’s weird. He still doesn’t know how to act around Louis, because even though he’d convinced himself that he doesn’t have feelings for Louis anymore, he definitely does. One look at his beautiful blue eyes and his perfect curves tells Niall that he’s totally and completely as gone for Louis now as he was the day he first realized it three years ago.

“See you around,” Niall offers to Louis awkwardly.

“Yeah, you too,” Louis nods.

Harry takes hold of Niall’s wrist and with a big, dimpled smile, he drags him back down the sidewalk until they’re walking in step together again. Louis stares after them until they’re completely out of sight, and Niall wonders the whole way to the club what on earth just happened.

After that, Louis starts texting again. He asks Niall when he came out, and if he’s been having fun on his nights out with Harry. That bit had confused Niall, but then Louis admitted to seeing them walking down to the gay bar whilst he’d been having a smoke outside, right at the club they always walked past. Niall flushed pink in the ears when Louis admitted that, and asked, “Why didn’t you say hi?”

“You looked awfully happy,” was all Louis had replied.

They get back into what they’d had, eventually. They’ll meet between classes – their schedules are actually rather compatible – and have tea or dinner or sit down to study, like nothing ever caused a riff between them in the first place. Niall both loves these meetings and aches because of them. He’s still as hopelessly in love with Louis as he used to be, and it’s hard.

It’s hard being around Louis and knowing he can’t have him.

It’s a Friday afternoon when Harry says it, and Niall doesn’t know what to do once the words are out there.

“Hey Louis, you should come out with us tonight.”

Louis has never shown any inclination toward going out to a gay bar, so Niall doesn’t know where the invitation is coming from. He and Harry are sitting on the green, thighs brushing as they lean against the trunk of the same tree. Louis is sitting across from them, legs crossed, and he sets down his phone when he hears what Harry’s just said.

“Like… out?”

Harry grins, clearly missing out on the obvious fact that Louis is _straight_.

“Yeah,” he nods. “It’s a lot of fun, and you’ve got to branch out! That same old club you’ve been going to has to be getting boring, yeah?”

Louis looks unsure, but Niall knows he’s not one to shy away from a challenge. But he’s not so sure this is a challenge Louis should face up to – he didn’t exactly have the best reaction to Niall coming out. Being surrounded by gay people might be grounds for a disaster.

“I suppose I could for a while, yeah,” Louis concedes.

Niall’s eyes bug out but neither of them notice. He doesn’t know what to make of it, doesn’t know what’s going to happen. All he knows is that tonight is either going to go spectacularly well or it’s going to go down as the worst night on record – well, after the night Niall was rejected, but nothing will ever really be on _that_ level.

So after dinner they go their own ways, get ready, and decide to meet at the club. Louis is there when Harry and Niall arrive, having run into each other whilst leaving campus. He’s smoking a cigarette, leaning casually against the wall of the club. But while he might _look_ casual, he’s actually terrified – Niall can see it in his eyes. It’s not a look he ever saw on Louis’s face much but he remembers it well enough.

“Let’s get some drinks, yeah? I know the bartender,” Harry grins.

Niall’s well aware of Harry’s relationship with the bartender. Nick’s tall and flirty and Niall’s pretty sure there’s something going on between the two of them, but he keeps his mouth shut about it. Nick gives them extra alcohol in every drink they buy, and Niall likes it. He’s not broke, but he’s Irish so he’s got a pretty high tolerance. He likes his alcohol, after all.

Harry winks and in seconds there’s three cocktails on the counter. “Cheers,” Niall says with a grin.

“Thanks, love,” Harry says.

Louis just nods and brings the cup to his lips so he can take a big, heavy gulp. He’s clearly uncomfortable, just as Niall expected him to be. He’s not surprised, and at this point he’s wondering just how long Louis is going to last before he calls up Zayn, one of his flatmates, and begs off to go meet him at the “straight” club down the street.

Harry disappears into the crowd at the request of an awkward looking redheaded man – he really will disappear into a crowd with _anyone_ – and that leaves Louis and Niall at the bar.

It’s awkward and they’re surrounded by nothing but the loud booms of the bass music and the clinking of glasses at the bar.

Minutes pass and Niall’s ready to sink into the floor from awkwardness when Louis leans over and asks, “Don’t you ever get jealous?”

Brow furrowed in confusion, Niall leans over and asks, “Why?”

They’ve got to shout into each other’s ears to be heard over the loud party music, but Niall’s fairly sure he hears Louis correctly when he explains, “Your boyfriend is flirting with other men!”

Niall shakes his head right away. He takes a sip of his drink and then says, “Harry’s _not_ my boyfriend.”

He hadn’t really realized they looked like that, but maybe Louis’s just one of _those_ guys, the ones who assume that two gay guys are instantly fucking, rather than just friends. But Louis looks genuinely confused, and Niall knows he’s got no ill meaning behind what he says. “Oh,” he replies lamely.

“Yeah, oh,” Niall nods.

He sets his empty glass on the bar and summons Nick over. “Can we get a couple of shots?” he asks, sliding some money across the bar.

“Double it,” Louis says, adding his own money to the pile.

Nick smirks as he looks between them, and sets four shot glasses out on the bar. With expert ease, he pours a few different types of liquors and they make four candy pink shots. “Enjoy, babes,” he says, taking the money and leaving the two of them at it.

“All at once?” Louis asks.

“Yeah,” Niall nods. He needs them. He needs to figure out what this means, why Louis is out at a gay bar and looking like he’s enjoying it, and wondering if Niall’s _single_.

The two shots go back like nothing, the burn of the alcohol covered by what had to have been grenadine. He didn’t need such candy-sweet shots but it’s nice. It’s easy. He doesn’t have to order a cocktail for a chaser.

He gets one anyway though, just to have something to do with his hands, and he notices that Louis’s leg is bouncing as he sits in his chair and nurses his own fresh cocktail.

They’re not speaking, mostly because Niall doesn’t know what to say, but he’s fine with it. By now, someone would have come up to ask him to dance, but he supposes that sitting so close to Louis has probably made most guys move on to the next cute lad; they probably think Niall’s taken.

Harry bounds up to them moments later, shirt unbuttoned and sweat glistening on his skin. “You two should dance! The music tonight is _ace_!” he exclaims.

The man he was dancing with, someone gorgeous and brunette now, gets them some shots, and Niall knows he’s relaxing on borrowed time. As soon as Harry’s done with his shot, it’s back out to the dance floor with him, and he’s going to drag Niall and Louis along this time.

Sure enough, he does, and Niall tells Louis, “We can escape in just a minute. Just let him get wrapped up in whoever that guy is.”

Louis doesn’t reply, just turns around with his back to Niall and starts to roll his hips, the alcohol lowering his inhibitions enough to make him comfortable like this, in a pit of bodies, his arse rolling against the front of Niall’s jeans.

Niall groans, though nobody hears, because this is totally unfair and he’s not enjoying the teasing – not when he knows he can’t have Louis. Harry grins at him and gives him the thumbs up, and makes big, awkward gestures to Niall to put his hands on Louis.

He does, and feels incredibly guilty for it.

Except then Louis turns around in his touch and slots his legs around one of Niall’s, and he’s grinding now, like full-on grinding and half-hard in his own trousers, and Niall’s brain short-circuits. It’s unfair, and he hates it, but the alcohol in his veins is telling him to give in and enjoy it while he can.

Torn between what he wants and what’s right, Niall bites his lip until it’s raw and nearly bleeding. He starts to get into the music though, and before he knows it he’s let go and started dancing against Louis now, his hands falling low on his hips and down to his arse.

When Louis looks up at him with dark, lust-blown eyes through his long, beautiful eyelashes, Niall loses it. He steps away, hands in the air like he’s under arrest, and shakes his head. “I – I can’t do this,” he says, before spinning on his heel and heading to the door.

The cool air is harsh against his warm skin and his mind is a mess, a jumble of a million thoughts and desires and hatred and love both, because he hates how much he loves Louis, hates the sort of effect he has on him – hates that he can’t have him.

He’s leaning against the wall of the building and running a hand through his hair in frustration when he hears Louis’s voice, shrill through the sharp midnight air. “What was that all about!?” he asks.

Louis walks up to Niall, whose cheeks are pink from the alcohol and the dancing, and he avoids Louis’s eyes as he says, “I can’t do it.”

“Can’t do what? We were just dancing,” Louis says.

Niall shakes his head and brings himself to look at Louis. He stands up straight, no longer using the building for support, and takes a step toward Louis on the sidewalk as he says, “No, we weren’t. I can’t do it. Not when I – you _know_ how I feel, Louis. You know it, and you went along with it, and it’s not _fair_.”

Niall feels like he’s being dramatic, knows it as the words are leaving his mouth, but he can’t do a damn thing to keep himself from saying them out loud. Louis frowns and asks, more surprised than anything, “You still feel that way?”

Shaking his head, Niall laughs and steps in a circle, his hand carding through his hair again, messing up his quiff completely. “I… _still_ … Louis, fuck,” he says. He stops and looks up at Louis. “I can’t just wake up one day and decide I don’t love you anymore. Trust me, I’ve tried, but it doesn’t work that way.”

Louis’s staring now, his eyes wide and his face innocent, truly innocent. Niall doesn’t know what to do with it. He starts down the sidewalk, but then Louis runs up to him to stop him. “Niall, wait,” he pleads.

Niall stops but doesn’t turn. He can’t look at Louis. He doesn’t think he can handle the rejection again.

“I love you too.”

Niall’s rooted to the spot, the words echoing in his ears. For a fleeting moment he wonders if he’s drunk, or if he’s fallen asleep or passed out or something, because that’s never the sort of thing he ever thought he’d hear out loud, coming from Louis’s perfectly pink lips, aimed at him.

“Like a friend,” Niall reconciles. He turns to face Louis and says, “I know.”

Louis looks serious, determined. He shakes his head and with a trembling voice, says, “No. Not like a friend. Like… I proper love you. The way you love me.”

Niall’s quiet. He doesn’t understand. Louis looks terrified but Niall can’t think of a single word to say.

“Did you hear me?” Louis asks, and there’s an edge of anger to his voice. He’s standing up a little straighter, shoulders braced, and he says, “I said I love you, Niall.”

Niall stares, mouth agape. He’s still trying to come to terms with it in his head. Words have left him, and Louis is out in the cold.

“You love me back, right?”

Niall hears it in Louis’s voice that time, the fear and the worry. He watches the way Louis tries so hard not to deflate, the way he tries to be tough and act like Niall’s silence isn’t scaring him.

“I thought you were straight?” Niall blurts out.

Louis crosses his arms in front of his chest and says, “College changes people.” Niall rolls his eyes. “Okay, fine!” Louis shouts, frustrated. “I’ve had feelings for you for a long time. Before you ever even came out to me. But I didn’t want to face up to it because I’d heard terrible things about what happened to other people who came out. So I kept quiet. I didn’t want to go through the trouble.” Niall frowns. “Then I got here and I started to realize that it’s different here. That… it’s okay.”

Niall’s quiet again. He feels like he went through all the pain of staying in the closet for nothing.

“I never meant to make you feel like you _couldn’t_ be gay,” Louis says quietly, stepping a little closer to Niall on the sidewalk. “I just didn’t want you getting hurt. And I didn’t want anybody to even have a chance to hurt you so I didn’t want us to date. And… I guess part of me wasn’t ready to think about that sort of thing. It took me until this year to even admit to _myself_ when I thought guys were fit.”

Niall frowns, because he’s starting to hear it, that internal conflict that he’s so familiar with. It makes sense, why Louis wouldn’t say anything, why he’d feel like these attractions he felt were wrong. Niall went through the same thing, only he thought he could open up to his best friend about it. Louis, apparently, hadn’t felt like he could do the same thing with Niall.

“Niall, I’ve had feelings for you for as long as I can remember,” Louis confesses. “It’s just that I didn’t want to admit it. But now… seeing you with Harry made me _mad_. I hated thinking that you were his and I’d lost my chance.”

“I’m not with him,” Niall reminds Louis.

“I know,” Louis nods. “And that’s why I’m saying this now. I’m not going to lose my chance with you, Niall. If I’ve even got one left, that is.”

Niall looks at Louis, deep into his blue eyes that sparkle even in the dimmest of street lamps. “So I’m going to say it again,” Louis asserts, trying to make his voice strong. “I love you, Niall Horan. I am horribly, deeply, pathetically in love with you.”

His hands are clammy as he takes hold of Niall’s, fingers cold from the brisk air surrounding them in the middle of the night out in Manchester. Niall squeezes his hands gently and nods. “I… I love you too, Louis,” Niall replies. “I always have.”

Louis looks so visibly relieved, like the words are music to his ears, and he steps forward until their feet are bumping awkwardly on the sidewalk. “Kiss me,” Louis demands.

Niall doesn’t even think twice. He closes the tiny distance between them, connecting their lips for the first time. It’s beautiful and perfect and a little cold, but Niall’s happier than he’s ever been. Louis’s hands let go of Niall’s to fist into the front of his shirt, and Niall drops his hands to Louis’s hips, slides them around like they’d been when they were dancing.

They don’t stop for air; they savor each and every second, every hot breath shared between their mouths and every second that they’re together until applause breaks them from their reverie. Harry’s standing there on the sidewalk, grinning like a Cheshire cat, and clapping. A few random people outside who’d been having a smoke join him, and Niall’s face flushes pink.

Louis looks down and shakes his head, nervously laughing as he realizes that they’ve been caught, that he’s out now and it’s okay, because he’s got Niall and Harry and he’s not in Doncaster anymore.

“I love you,” he repeats, just because he can, as he wraps his arms around Niall’s waist and rests his head on his shoulder.

Niall grins, totally content.

“I love you, too.”

 

 


End file.
